Actu-m’en diras tant Mai 2014

actu1405_01actu1405_02actu1405_03actu1405_04Arnaud Montebourg, ministre du Redressement Productif, et Manuel Valls, ministre de l'Interieur se baladent sur les Champs Elysees.actu1405_06actu1405_07actu1405_08actu1405_09actu1405_10Cannon Barrelactu1405_12actu1405_13

 Les titres de l’Actualité auxquels vous avez échappé (« Personne n’obligera le pot de terre à taire ce que se permet le pot de fer de faire » Jean Brasier 1910-2003):

Les temps sont trop moroses à commenter. Je me contenterai de blagues ce mois-ci. Et d’abord, en français:

Sachant qu’une française sans seins s’appelle souvent une planche à pain,comment appelle-t-on une musulmane sans seins?
Une planche à voile!
Trois joyeux petits cochons, jouaient, chantaient… La porte s’ouvre brusquement, et un loup inconnu entre… Tous trois restent figés, apeurés… Le loup dit : “Salam Al Eikum !” Tous reprennent soulagés :
“Grâce à Dieu , il est musulman! »

Et quelques autres en anglais:  Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making a movie about the lives of the great composers. Stallone says « I want to be Mozart. » Swartzeneger says: « In that case… I’ll be Bach. » 

(NB: accent allemand recommandé): A guy was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he walked in he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other; “Nine.” Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. “Sorry to spoil your evening,” said his friend, “but when I walked in they were speaking German” 

A man received the following text from his neighbor: « I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again. »
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in: »Damn autocorrect. I meant ‘wifi’, not ‘wife’. »

Laisser un commentaire